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Hi friends!
I’ve had a good week, but I’ve forgotten everything. I am uninspired.
I had a pretty fun and successful week. I saw a musical, hung out with friends, ate delicious food, slayed the workplace, slayed the workouts…but I only remembered a lot of it when I looked through my camera roll. I don’t even take many pictures. I’ve written to you in various ways on off weeks I’ve had. This week has just felt like another tally on the wall, which is strange because a lot was packed into it.
At the same time, no it wasn’t. I spent a chunk of my week cozy and at home. I binged a show. Honestly, the best part about being sleepy due to corporate behavior is getting to hang out with Meera once I’m done with everything. Part of it feels reminiscent to when I first moved to New Hampshire.
I’m in a phase of looking forward to things. I bought tickets to my first-ever music festival, Gov Ball (which isn’t even on Governor’s Island anymore). The Sunday lineup looked exciting, and I’m slowly assembling a crew to descend upon the festival with…in June. Meera and I have been planning both domestic and international trips for months but in words only. I think about it every day. I need to be laid up on a beach. Plus, my birthday is next week, and I’m getting excited for the various events I’ve concocted.
In the moment, I’m more in a numb place. Not in a bad way, I don’t think. This doesn’t feel like my experience with depression. I am just tired. I don’t want to write this newsletter or be creative in any way. I just want to sit on the couch and pause the world. This sounds a lot sadder than it feels.
How do I reflect upon a forgettable week?
I guess…just realize I’ve forgotten it. Keep that tab. Remember for next time. I’m kind of in a waiting phase for more craziness.
I’ve been caring more about what other people think of me lately, but not really the people that matter. I have been feeling more aware than usual of the space I take up on the train, in the grocery store, on the sidewalk. I like this awareness because I think it makes me a better citizen, but I also get overly frustrated with the details of things. I am annoyed when people aren’t as polite as I am, or trying as hard as I am to be so. Often, this internal frustration is about my friends. Sometimes I feel like my life is a high school musical after-party at the local diner.
I felt so smart and so stupid this week. I feel like I have nothing to talk about when people ask me what’s been going on lately. I don’t really care to talk about anything, but am almost always happy to be in conversation. I feel myself zoning out more but not because I’m unhappy. I want to drink energy drinks all the time. But I feel like the things I’ve cared about have been worth my time. Whatever.
Meera is cooking Gigi Hadid Pasta with gochujang, and I wish you guys could smell it. What a lucky gal I am, writing about nothing while my girlfriend contributes to the household.
Three things I want to discuss that have annoyed me this week, the first being Stanley Cups. There are so many reasons I would hate to be a kid right now, and that’s just another thing to think about how my younger self would deal. Honestly, I’d probably have one and love it. Maybe I’d have two. This feels like something that Mormon influencers have peddled onto us regular folk. The adults obsessing over it (like this girl who stole thousands of dollars worth of product) make me sad. There are so many strange things we as suburbanites do to make our lives feel more interesting, and obsessing over a reusable Big Gulp tracks. Moreover, I cannot believe a bottle brand has demolished the SEO of the hockey championship trophy of the same name.
I also hate the resurgence of the R-word I’ve seen, at least on social media. My Bushwick is too Bushwick-y to hear it said, but I’ve really been seeing a lot of people no matter what political affiliation or social class typing it out. I think it’s one of the dumbest words a person can use because there are so many alternatives that drive home your point without putting down a whole group of people. I think this has been an ugly offshoot of people talking more about autism in a non-offensive but lighthearted way.
My third gripe is not with the thing, but with the meaning around the thing: girls congratulating their friends on their engagements by Instagram story-ing a FaceTime screenshot of the friend showing off their ring. Although I know people post these screenshots because they are excited for their close friend to get married, I also think people do this to show their followers how close they are with someone. Is it just to show they have friends? To show that they have monogamous friends that are so good at monogamy that they’ve found someone that likes them enough to settle down with them — and has the money to do so? For married people to say, look! Someone else is joining the dark side! For unmarried-but-taken people to say, look! My boyfriend better hurry the f*ck up and care about me! For single people to say, look! I am so alone in this world, but at least someone sees my value!
I was going to write more, but I just ate some of that aforementioned pasta. I’m not even editing this. Thanks for bearing with me, loves!
Five moments of my life I’d like to forget
When I was messaging about my coworker/new friend at the time behind her back and accidentally sent said message to her
When I was trash talking a sorority during my rush to my friend who was a Pi Chi (older girl who advises you during rush) who I thought was in the sorority I wanted to be in but she was actually in the one I was trash talking (I genuinely think about this once a month)
Posting a TikTok about my parents’ separation to my followers only but forgetting my second-cousin followed me until my great-aunt messaged me with the link asking about it (will literally never do that again)
Meeting a girl from a different college at a party freshman year, finding her on social media after only knowing her first name because I was enthralled, pretending I just found her profile organically, going on a date with her that lasted four hours, making her a playlist…and she ghosted me
Dealing with little girls trying to undo my one-piece bathing suit in the pool during a day care job only for a girl to eventually succeed, revealing my boobs to children and coworkers (mostly boys in my grade at school) and throwing my bikini string into the deep end for a co-worker to find then meticulously weave back
This week’s photo is honestly hilarious. Look at Corporate Sydney infiltrating the NYSE. It was a really pretty building. I got to go because one of the brands I now work for shoots their show here. It was pretty dead, though. Not many people. But I did feel important, which is all that matters in any situation I ever find myself in.
Current fixations I want to mention
Food & Drink
I bemoan many a gentrifier establishment in my neighborhood, but I cannot help but love Dayglow/Niteglow. It’s a sterile, minimalist space with no wall decor. A coffeeshop during the day and bar at night, I went for the first time with my mom on the day after Christmas. We chatted with its warm and sweet owner (beer lover), who started the biz with his brother (coffee lover), where they have locations in LA and Chicago. He moved to Bushwick this year to open their first coffeeshop-bar hybrid. They brew their own coffee and beer. The main room up front has space to sit and work, and I have enjoyed a few $8 coffees there. They remind me more of cocktails, so many ingredients coming together in cute vessels. I am obsessed with the Coquito, an iced coffee with a cloud of coconut milk sitting atop the ice. I went for the first time at night over the weekend to meet up with some friends, and we sat in the back room, where you can see their entire beer-brewing operation and hear bubbling from large vats. The lighting is low and their cocktails are crazy (a whopping $18, but mine was an espresso martini with a blowtorched marshmallow), making for a fantastic makeout spot with no one else around. This place represents so much wrong with this neighborhood, and yet the product is so fantastic that I will keep coming back.
Music
In my booked and busy life, I need songs to propel me, to push me forth in my quest for success. One song I’ve been bopping to for over a year is “Flow 2000 3d1t” by DJ これからの緊急災害. I don’t know anything about this DJ, but this is a remix to reggaeton artist Bad Gyal’s “Flow 2000.” The remix speeds up the song and gives it a video gamey quality in the sense that listening to it makes me feel like I’m collecting massive gold coins. This song is part of a bundle of music I listened to obsessively last year when I moved out of New Hampshire and applied for jobs while in Pittsburgh, a time I’m oddly nostalgic for. This song awakens both the machine and animal within, bringing forth an adderall-like focus. The song disappeared from Spotify for a few months, much to my dismay, but recently returned.
Internet & Pop Culture
I’m almost a month late to this video that came across my For You Page today, but it was a clip of a livestream with two hilarious TikTokers: Corporate Erin and Nonprofit Boss. These two ladies make videos in very similar characters, one a super frustrating middle manager at a corporation and the other a toxic boss of a non-profit that uses therapy language to express the same needs as a regular boss. I’ve enjoyed their content for months now and how their parodies feel very close to their real-life archetypes. People have previously commented on their videos hoping for a collaboration, and the collab has finally taken place. I loved watching these ladies interact, and I especially enjoyed watching Corporate Erin break character when Nonprofit Boss said she was helping “the rat community” after employees complained of rats in the stairwell. They make light of the workplace ghouls that have traumatized us, and I thank them.
Television & Maybe Movies
Spoilers ahead…I have finally crossed international waters in my drag race watching by zipping through RuPaul’s Drag Race UK season 1. What a joy this season was. The fashion was, more often than not, crunchy and horrible (save Crystal and The Vivienne consistently) but in a way I found endearing. The first two outs of the season were some of the worst lip-syncers I’ve ever seen. It was wild to watch a season where the top three contestants won every single episode. Unlike some other seasons, I liked every single queen and was rooting for them. The show being on the BBC was such an interesting twist from the bizarre networks we’re used to for the U.S. shows. It made me realize how sponsored and brand-heavy the U.S. seasons are. I do wish the prizes included real money, though. The guest judges were much more high-profile and ended up being fantastic panel members. One of my favorite guest judge moments of any season is when Ginger Spice is completely taken with Sum Ting Wong and visits her backstage to fangirl. If I could pick a favorite from the season, it would, of course, have to be The Vivienne, but I had already fallen in love with her on All Stars season 7. She had a polish that was both distinctly British but palatable to American audiences. Baga Chipz could have been designed in a lab for what a Drag Race contestant should be: absurd, goofy, loud…almost a character until she gets vulnerable. The only moment of the season that left a bad taste in my mouth was how Baga treated her mother during the makeover challenge, but it made much more sense when we learned more about their relationship in the following episode I started the show hating Divina De Campo because of her shriek-y laugh but really rooted for her in the end. Aside from the top three, I really loved Blu Hydrangea and Cheryl Hole (who somehow kicked away a LaGanja Estranga edit). The top three were pretty obvious from the very beginning, and I already knew who won the series before I started watching. I’m excited to blast through the next few seasons!
Journalism & Literature
I saw a Tweet recently about Fenway Park’s jumbotron broadcasting a Fortnite game, which made me laugh. This is both absurd and mysterious. Who is playing this game and how? Did they sneak in? I learned about the game’s surprisingly sweet origin through one of my favorite local reporters, Matt Shearer from WBZ News Radio, who wrote the blueprint on how media organizations can thrive on TikTok. Turns out the game was played by a pro Fortnite player and a kid undergoing cancer treatment. Local journalism (sometimes) is at its best at its most heartwarming because you get to watch reporters get creative and have fun with something undeniably good. Best part of the video: another gamer at Fenway whose tag is CancerSurvivingGingerJew.
Something I Saw in the Wild
The following anecdote is why I rarely think to unfollow people on social media. When I was a BU freshman, I had a class with this nice blonde that I’ve been following on Instagram ever since. I don’t know much about her, but we would exchange notes. For at least a year, she had a boyfriend that she posted with relative frequency. I’ve never met him; I’ve just seen him on her profile. Flash forward to this past week: when I visited a friend at Pitt our freshman year, I met a nice blonde that I’ve been following on Instagram ever since. I don’t know much about her, but we hung out one or two nights with my friend from high school. Suddenly, she posts on Instagram about a lovely trip to Boston she took. Lo and behold, this aforementioned man is in one of her pictures. I am not sure if he is her boo, but I’m guessing he is. I am so obsessed with the idea that two nice blondes I was acquainted with around the same time — who seemingly do not know each other — have dated the same guy, also someone I’ve never met in real life. Encyclopedia Brown? Please, I’m Instagram Brown. Changing my name to Sydney Instagram Brown.