Table of Contents
Hi friends!
Evening, lovers! I hope you’ve had a nice week since we last talked. I don’t have any grand ideas to share this week, so I’d rather just get some thoughts and scatter them along the page.
On adult pool parties
I was back in Fire Island this past Saturday for what ended up being one of the greatest Gay Men x Dyke caucuses of this decade (read: some of my friends rented a house for the week and a ton of people came for the day).
Not only were we excited by the premise, but there was another event happening that same day. On the famously gay male vacation spot, lesbian bar The Bush and dating app Feeld (Grindr for anyone who uses the phrases ethically non-monogamous or pleasure dom) teamed up for a lesbian takeover of Fire Island. They had buses straight from Bushwick to the ferry terminal. Once lesbians descended on the island, they could spend their day at the beach or across the way at a hotel’s pool and bar.
Our cohort of queer women decided to take a water taxi to the event in hopes for a crazy day with other ladies. We imagined a female version of the electric Fire Island parties filled with chiseled dudes…gorgeous women prancing around the beach and pool, blasting music and soaking up sunshine.
The event, of course, did not match this dream. The beach was just full of people having a normal beach day, lounging within their friend groups and looking very sleepy as many lesbians are stereotyped to do so. At the pool, we barely saw any women, let alone people under 45.
Nevertheless, this was a pool with a bar steps away, and we needed to make the water taxi fare worth it. All of us sat around the pool, many with drinks in hand. A few of us, me obviously included, ended up in the water, but our faction was small.
When did pool parties become poolless? When did people stop jumping in? I understand that we all have hair and many of us have makeup, but aren’t you just itching, aching, dying to jump into that chlorine tank? How can you live with yourself feeling water meant for your pleasure just below your knee? Do you leave the day thinking Yep, that was a good day that had everything I wanted, or do you go home and cry because you didn’t get to do the thing you wanted the most? I refuse to stand idly by a body of water!
On moving to New York
Three of my friends (including two subscribers) told me about semi-similar scenarios they are in recently: they’re in a sticky romantic situation and unrelatedly thinking of moving to New York.
I think everyone who wants to move here and can afford to should, at least for a few months. There are so many ways to sublet and find short-term rentals, from Facebook groups to Craiglist listings to friends of your friends. People with worldly possessions like cars or in-person jobs in other states obviously have a much tougher go at coming here, but if you’re looking for a sign: do it.
I moved here with the intention of only being here for a few months and seeing what happens. My friend Maddie had an open room for four months and I could afford it. If I hated the city and/or couldn’t find a job, I’d regroup. I ended up finding a job (which is a lot harder just a year and a half later) and loving the city, so I stayed.
I think people have this misconception that once they come to New York, they won’t ever leave. I don’t find this to be true, and I’m not too positive that it will be true for me. But it is a great place to start over, whether for your career, relationships, or lust for life. It’s a very romantic thing to come here, and I think all three of these friends who reached out to me should move here once they’re able. There are so many inspirational views, spontaneous nights, and delicious meals waiting for you. Maybe with a hottie…the hottie that is yourself! Drink from the fountain of youth and come here.
On aging
I’ve said it once here, and I’ll say it again: never say that you’re old unless you’re actually old! If you’re at retirement age or older, you’re old. End of story. Anyone younger talking about technological fumbles or pop culture confusion because of their age needs to check themselves into a retirement home if they think they’re so old.
Youth is full of insecurities, but it seems that aging really makes you crazy. People my age are getting cosmetic procedures done because of how much they fear wrinkles and grays. I smiled at myself in the mirror for 30 seconds the other day so I could notice the new wrinkles forming below my eyes. I have a baby face and I love to smile. I’m not gonna let myself hate this soon, I hope!
I went to a work conference the other week and genuinely three different speakers said I’m showing my age by saying this! No, you’re showing your insecurities. Everyone else in that room (aside from me) was over 30. Everyone here knows what a floppy disk is, and even if they didn’t, they won’t think you’re a loser. Even if I grow and feel old (which will never happen — I will be the youngest in the room forever, OBVIOUSLY!), I hope to never share those lamentations in public. Whiplash from an ever-changing world is inevitable for all of us, and to be affected by it does not make you old. But you know what does? Disagreeing with my last statement!
On hating my body
Just a PSA: none of what I’m about to say is aiming to make fun of people struggling with their image or diet, and I’m just sharing how I feel about myself only.
With that out of the way, hating my body at 25 is so boring. Hating my body is for when I’m a teenager, not for any time past that. I don’t want to be weird about my body now, as an almond mom, or as a judgmental grandmother. Hating my body is, simply, a waste of my time. There are so many better things to do, and this is an activity for a purposeless person.
It’s hard for me to buy new clothes because I’m used to my weight fluctuating heavily over the past three years. But now it’s been about eight months of being a similar size, so I just need to accept that that’s where I am and buy new stuff that fits me. I’m using this clothing rental subscription service called Nuuly where you pick 6 garments from their site, wear them around for a month, and send them back in exchange for new ones. For someone with changing-ish sizes and strange standards of committing to buying clothes, I really recommend this service (if you can afford it, it’s $90 a month). Plus, I feel comfortable, stylish, and confident!
Mixing these new clothes in with a slightly more rigorous gym routine, I’ve been feeling pretty good lately about myself, but I don’t feel completely out of the woods from that physical self-hatred that plagues so many women. Before spending part of my weekend on Fire Island with a group of hot people, I needed to do two things: wear a one-piece bathing suit, and get a better attitude.
A pop culture thing for you if you don’t know of it: Jemima Kirke was one of the actresses in HBO’s Girls (she played Jessa) and has these iconic Instagram Q&As. Jessa’s character — beautiful, chaotic, intimidating — was built off of Lena Dunham’s perception of real-life Jemima. Although I assume there are stark differences between Jessa and Jemima, these Q&As provide hilarious, nonchalant nuggets of wisdom. One person asked Any advice to unconfident young women? to which Jemima responded with a selfie and some very important text: I think you guys might be thinking about yourselves too much.
Obviously, this is a great response. Yes, it makes me laugh, but it’s also profoundly wise. Just chill out! For the weekend, I wanted to take that mindset with me, or really a lack of mindset, and just have fun. It really helped me, and I think my fellow overintellectualizers could use this piece of advice. We are doing just fine.
On business merch
If you’re a business selling merch — especially multiple design options — you should make clothing or accessories that people enjoy stylisticly without knowing your business. Just having a logo is not going to always attract people; you should at least have options that just look or sound cool.
I was just at a coffeeshop in the LES called Froth, and they sold a bucket hat that just said I’m frothing. What a dumb, slightly sexual
sounding slogan. I loved it and thought I’d buy it if I were a slightly different person. More stores should be making merch like this instead of thinking that people will just want to show off your logo. Some of them will, but let’s bring some extra oomph!
On the worst trivia night ever
The Seneca is a bar/restaurant in Ridgewood that really represents what gentrification looks like in that neighborhood: overpriced (but yummy) smash burgers, rusty decor nodding to the neighborhood’s brewing history, smelly people cosplaying as poor…the works!
I went to trivia night here with Meera and my friend Ryan. The website and socials say that trivia begins at 8, but the hostess that picked up the phone said 8:30. We decided to trust what was in writing and ended up being wrong. I’ve been to many trivia nights, and this one ended up being one of the longest, from 8:30 to just past 11 p.m.
What made it so bad was that it was only three rounds, 10 questions each. A trivia night that long could fit at least double the amount of rounds. The questions were fairly easy (even though we got 7/10 right each round) and everything was physically written on paper, with the host checking through every team himself. This took up way too much time and made me sleepy. At least we had a great bartender and it ended up being his last night working there. Anyway, don’t let the gentrification veneer let you think this trivia night will be good.
This week’s photo is from the way I spent the end of National Ice Cream Day/Biden Bye-Bye day: tying my hair back before noshing on frozen yogurt at Pinkberry. My first job was at a bygone frozen yogurt joint in my suburb, and I dislike Pinkberry as a whole. They charge you based on a fixed amount, and you don’t get to do any of the creation. It’s fun to push the handles down and scoop as many toppings as you want. Anyway, I just picked this picture because I like how my arms look and really like the Bushwick serve that the bandana provides.
Current fixations I want to mention
Food & Drink
Dating Meera has brought so much joy and substance to my life, and what could be more joyful and substantial than Lebanese food? I finally went to one of her favorite places in the city: Manousheh. The restaurant shares a name with the food they serve, a Lebanese flatbread containing yummy fillings. I’m seeing internet food writers calling it Lebanese pizza, which feels semi-correct. Meera first went to their now-closed location in Greenwich Village, so we went to their OG spot in the LES. The other location was compact and sweltering, but this spot was open, modern, and a cool respite from the summer evening heat. There were lots of seats but not many people taking them. I’ve had her leftovers before, so I sort of knew what to order. We ended up sharing three manousheh (the third we ordered later after still being hungry) with a side of labneh (Lebanese yogurt that’s, like, Lebanese food 101) for dipping. Two of the flavors we got were what she ordered last time. Meera’s fave is the Cocktail, half za’atar, half jibneh, making for a spicy (as in many spices), cheesy combo that I find a bit heavy. My favorite is the kishek, which has this tomato-y onion paste that tastes like something my Nonna would make. We also wanted to try a meaty one, so we went with the lahem bi ajine. I thought I’d love its beefiness, but it was just fine. This variety felt more like a pizza because it was open-faced. We also shared a fizzy lemonade drink and a Lebanese beer called Almaza. Lebanese food is made to help you cope with how hot the world is, and I loved getting a fast-casual dining experience I could elongate as long as I wanted to be in air conditioning.
Music
Okay, I finally listened to Clairo’s new album, Charm. I’ve been a Clairohead since college, enjoying her bedroom poppy sounds from her early singles and adoring her first album. I also had a big fat crush on her and felt like I actually did live in a universe where I could do something about it, almost as delusionally as a high schooler shaving their whole body for a One Direction concert. Clairo would make a killing in Bushwick, a petite bisexual with eyes as gorgeous as her voice and a parent whose name is blue on her Wikipedia page. Anyway, I wasn’t too big of a fan of her sophomore album Sling, feeling like I wasn’t the kind of sad that could enjoy this new phase of her work and just kept going back to Immunity and her earlier singles. I was not sure if I would like Charm, but I could not get her lead single “Sexy to Someone” out of my head. Once it was time to lock in for the whole thing, I had the best time. I liked every song at least a little. Funnily enough, I had strong opinions about how to rank them upon my first listen but I don’t really feel that way anymore. After listening through enough times, the songs really blend together. So if you like one of her songs this go around, you’ll like all of them (and vice versa). I like how this is her first album that doesn’t have this deep sadness hanging over it, and it really feels like that same hot summer respite that Immunity brought a few years ago. This album feels more mature, sensual, and serene. I like that “Juna” is reaching TikTok virality, but my other three faves are probably “Slow Dance,” “Nomad,” and “Terrapin.”
Internet & Pop Culture
I could choose one of millions of political posts that harken back to an Obama-era level of epic pwn-humor memery, but I’m gonna go with this really dumb Tiktok that made me laugh. It’s simple: I see children playing a joke on the older adults in their family; I giggle. This kid is incorrectly reading his uncle’s shirt that says Funcle as something more profane, and the funcle gets more and more upset.
Television & Maybe Movies
I saw the horror movie the internet’s been aching to watch, Longlegs. I’m not really a huge horror girl and didn’t know much about the film before seeing it aside from Twitter people acting like this movie was so scary it would make me puke. Puke, I did not. I felt a cloud of anxiety for the whole movie, but this could be attributed to me thinking it was about to get extra gruesome. There weren’t too many terrifying moments, and I found the movie funnier than I expected. Nick Cage’s portrayal of Longlegs was campy and hilarious; I’m not sure if he was supposed to be scary. I still enjoyed Longlegs and how it built up, but I found the ending a bit unsatisfying and rushed. Although I liked the movie, the people I eavesdropped on in the ladies restroom afterwards did not.
Journalism & Literature
Biden is out, so what’s next? We have a lot of people with opinions on who the Dem’s next nominee should be, who can win, and what all of that could look like. As you flood your group chat with coconut tree memes, make sure you actually know what’s going on. Politico provides a crystal ball in “What happens next now that Biden has dropped out?” Anyway, Kamala is already getting delegates, but so much has happened in such a short time. Remember when Trump got shot? If you know a journalist, you should Venmo them to thank them for the work and stress they’ve been under for the past few weeks (more than usual).
Something I Saw in the Wild
I was in Dumbo at the Brooklyn Flea and looking for a place close by for dinner. A restaurant called Superfine had some sort of list attributed to it, usually these are Best [food genre] in New York from [publication] but this place was listed under Sapphic date night in NYC by who else but the Her app! Non-lesbians, or really non-thirsty lesbians, are unaware of the sad energy that this lesbian-specific dating app exudes. The cover image for this date night list was an AI generated picture of two lesbians. In case you wanted to know what other places are on the list, it’s all of the lesbian bars and a few random restaurants. I thought this concept was hilarious. We ended up eating at Superfine and it was just that: fine.