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Did you know that balance is tough to find? I’ve been volleying between being way too outside and canceling multiple days of plans in a row. My inconsistency with this newsletter should prove to you that I’m really trying to be a pro at my job. At a dinner party last night in which everyone had a miserable time cooking from the same poorly written cookbook and a glorious time subsequently realizing that everyone hated it, one of my friends said she has been fundamentally unavailable lately. I love that and relate. F.U.

Anyway, I might switch up the day of the week I write this newsletter. In My Previous Role, my Mondays used to be less busy so I could take my time sending this out. At least today you get three weeks of Current Fixations and a completely non-proofread narrative (why do I feel like I wrote the wrong version of hear/here somewhere?). I really want to get back to being consistent with you, but — like every flight I seem to be on lately — there’s lots of turbulence!

However, a big chunk of uncertainty has been neutralized because Meera and I signed a lease for a new place! Even in this newsletter’s infancy, I’ve talked about my aspirations to someday live in Pretty Brooklyn, a name I gave to the cluster of brownstone-lined neighborhoods around Prospect Park. Meera and I cast a wide net, looking at all sorts of places around this area (as well as near the Lorimer stop in Williamsburg) and ended up securing a spot in Park Slope.

Once my stuff is all moved, I will have turned in my gentrifier card. If I wanted to be a Park Slope gentrifier, I’d have to be older than my parents. Then again, the Bushwick-to-Park Slope pipeline is quite a stereotypical process for a girl like me to follow.

Apartment hunting is such a romantic act. I’m not talking about moving in with someone you love — I’m talking about the hunt itself. You are stressed and desperate because there are real consequences for not finding one and have to learn to play it cool, to be patient with finding the right place. You see the kinds of flaws you can accept or the boundaries you must set to get what you think you deserve. You’re genuinely changing your life each move and want to make sure you’re of sound mind, but you also have to act fast. You must be decisive and prepared, ruthless and passionate to lock it down.

In apartment hunting, I might be too romantic. I can convince myself that anywhere is the perfect fit because I can daydream my way into falling for anything. On my walk over to a tour, I imagine myself walking to my new home from this train station. Oh, that would be my grocery store. That old man pacing around is someone I’ll probably see every day and say hi to. There’s a cute coffeeshop next to that gym that I’ll belong to. Creating that dream life propels me to take a chance on an apartment.

It also allows me to ignore red flags or settle on somewhere that isn’t as great as I could get. This is why Meera and I are a good team. Usually I’m trigger happy, and she’s more cautious. I book more tours, and she talks me down when I get too in the weeds.

Last go-around I was already living here, and Meera was still in New England. I toured a bunch of places in a bunch of neighborhoods, using this opportunity as a way to learn more about all these areas I didn’t know much about yet. Now, we’re both much more seasoned, so this should be less annoying, right?

That doesn’t mean it wasn’t annoying, though! We probably started a bit early, but I just wanted to get in the groove of understanding the market. Unfortunately, I think it burned me out a bit. It all just made me tired. I was obsessively checking all the rental sites and tearing my days apart to venture towards tours that ended up being busts. It really zapped my energy. At least we got a place early enough that we could overlap a month with our current apartment, so we can take our time moving.

All of the places we toured fell into two categories: 1. Weird old charmer in an equally charming neighborhood or 2. Sterile unit in a luxury high rise with all the amenities you could want. One day of touring (one of the Mondays I punted on writing) was a great example of the dichotomy.

The first place we saw that day fell under the first category. The charm was in the extremely high ceilings with floor-to-ceiling windows, but the space had too many other cons. Plus, the property manager was on the tour with us and seemed super strict. I have children; I don’t rent to children, she said while explaining all the ways we would be punished for losing elevator keys or keeping the backyard door unlocked. It didn’t help that she had a goiter on the right side of her neck whose beckoning presence I forced myself to ignore as I lightly giggled at her threats.

The second place we saw fell under the second category and was too small for the price. We waited in a gaggle outside before our tour while a different gaggle toured; one person in our cohort left before we could even see the place. Ten of us awkwardly shuffled into some guy’s unit, just one of multiple gaggles he would sheepishly wave at throughout the evening. The apartment had a gym, but I’ve seen better in other buildings. While on the roof staring at Downtown Brooklyn below, our realtor said if we put down a good-faith deposit, he wouldn’t consider any other applications. This almost swayed me to apply because I knew I wouldn’t have to compete, but Meera and I discussed it in an empty, soulless park next door and knew we could do better.

The idea of having a deposit as a safety net soothed me because, like in romance, I hate rejection, especially after the one rejection we got in this apartment hunt.

I knew this Boerum Hill place would be weird because the first picture of the listing was the outdoor space instead of where someone would actually live. On the inside, everything looked a bit haphazard. I sometimes take weird listings as good signs and reached out for a tour, but then remembered that I didn’t want to live on the first floor…and this unit was #1. I tried to cancel for the above reason, but the realtor said that it’s actually on the second floor. I decided to go and videotape it since Meera couldn’t join me.

It’s a ten-minute walk from the train, but it’s a ten-minute walk from a ton of trains. And, like, everything else. I could pick from multiple grocery stores to shop at, multiple pretty neighborhoods to lose myself in. I spent the walk falling in love, mentally writing stories about the tired pedestrians coming home from work. As I grew closer, the neighborhood got quieter, the trees connecting across the street from each other and forming arches over the road. Maybe this is the place.

The realtor let me and five other yuppies in athleisure or Mets gear inside. When you open the door, it’s just to the unit. You go up a flight of stairs, but you’re in your place the whole time. The entire structure is yours, so it’s like having a house. It was bigger than I thought it would be. Sure, the bathroom only had a tiny mirror, but the unit had laundry machines and a dishwasher.

What sold me was the outdoor space, which happened to be a roof. It’s huge and mostly yours. There’s a divider two-thirds of the way in with your neighbor, but it’s a ton of space for whatever you want. I could already see Meera’s DJ stuff set up, raising the roof with our friends. Or we could actually have real outdoor plants! I’m starting to get excited in my video to Meera, and I go down the fire escape and pass someone about to see the roof for the first time. I said It’s really nice! because I wanted them to be excited, but of course they didn’t even look at me because this is war. I forgot that romance can get competitive.

As if it couldn’t get more special, our realtor says out of nowhere that our next-door neighbor would be Ethan Hawke. I guess it’s his studio. This means that we would share a roof with Ethan Hawke. Maybe we would have light banter about the weather. Maybe we could bake him cookies. Maybe we could invite him to our parties when he’s on the roof at the same time. Maybe we could invite Maya. Maybe I’d become a movie star!

I asked the realtor about the application process. Now, New York brokers and realtors are some of the strangest characters I’ve encountered, but I decided to be cautiously optimistic when he said if I applied tonight I’d probably get approved.

Meera was on her way home from a few days in her hometown. I sent her the videos excited and nervous. I didn’t expect to love this place so much, and now I need her to answer immediately right now immediately. I know I can be crazy so please tell me if I’m being crazy. You are so welcome to talk me down, I said as I felt my imagination soaring higher than Brooklyn’s Eye of Sauron.

I sent the listing and video to a few friends (and my mom) in the meantime to see if I’m being crazy. All of them validated me and said the place seemed special. Meera finally had a break in working and could see my messages, saying she was prepared to hate it and actually liked it a lot. Once she was home, we discussed it and decided to pull the trigger.

We rushed through the application. It’s so scary to know that time is of the essence. We sent it all in, and I thought I would feel relieved. Instead, the next two days were marked by constantly refreshing my email. I wanted to crawl out of my skin; I could not know peace until we received a response. The first day was mostly fine since I assumed I was going to find out that day; I later happened to be in the neighborhood with Georgina and had her take my picture in front of the place. The second day, I felt more nervous. I knew that rejection was quite possible, but the verdict was taking longer than we were told it would. I couldn’t help but put myself on hold.

When the rejection came in, I was so frustrated at knowing that I was back at square one. I didn’t know what I could be doing differently to stand out with my application. Georgina told me that Taylor Swift had a hand in approving her neighbors’ applications because she wanted to make sure they wouldn’t be freaks with her next door.

What I mean to say, did Ethan Hawke not like my vibe? What about me and my girlfriend wasn’t enough for the star of Before Sunrise? I contemplated this on my walk home from my gym, passing a billboard for a movie that came out last Halloween. Wait, what’s the movie? Black Phone 2, starring Ethan Hawke. He followed me.

As I mourned what could’ve been and the energy I spent building it up, I knew I had to get back out there. One of my friends said she toured 40 places, another said he applied to 20 before finding his place. Yeesh. I toured a few other duds, including a two-bedroom off of Flatbush Avenue (busy street, my non-New Yorkers) currently occupied by a couple whose answer to why they were moving was too vague that I think they just broke up. The place was not big enough and didn’t have enough natural light to make the place worthwhile.

I was just tired. I had so much work to do that day postponed some of it so that I could tour this place. I was just frustrated. The gym will make me feel better, right? Turns out a brand-new Planet Fitness opened up a fifteen-minute walk away in Park Slope just last week. It was so new that the workers excitedly told me to have a great workout after I signed in. I proceeded to have a lovely workout at one of the nicest PFs I’ve been to, remembering that there are so many cool places out there for me…and even the duds will show me a new Planet fitness.

That Friday, the realtor for the Hawke neighbor place reached out to Meera and I, telling us about an open house he was having in Brooklyn Heights. Sure. Not sure if this place is what we want, but maybe we’ll have a better chance this time. On our way over, Meera was looking at places on StreetEasy and reached out for a tour of this really cool unit in Park Slope listed that day. I didn’t think much of it until we were in the doorway of the Brooklyn Heights place, and the Park Slope realtor said she was at the place for another hour if we wanted to swing by. We planned on going after this tour.

Another dud, but I was ready to fantasize. Crown molding, high ceilings, fireplace, dishwasher, tree-lined street in Brooklyn Heights! But Meera rightfully could not get over the extra table the tenant had so she could fit all her dishes somewhere. The realtor said if we applied to this one, we could get approved that day. Now that is what I want to hear, but I didn’t need to make a decision until after seeing the other place.

The train was running with delays, and we were arriving later than we said we would to Park Slope. We rushed over to the unit and were greeted by our realtor, an older Cuban lady with a warm smile. Very different vibe than the other people we’ve met in this process! We were all alone looking around the apartment, newly remodeled and ticking off all of our boxes. Dishwasher, in-unit laundry, central heating, wraparound kitchen counter…and the price was right. I should have known from when we found our Bushwick place that Meera and I have to be on the tour together when we stumble upon the right spot.

Our realtor was giving us tips on how to apply and what the landlord was looking for, and then our lateness paid off — the landlord arrived at the place as we were about to leave. We shook hands and had a nice conversation; he seemed really warm. Our realtor walked with us up the block, and she said if we applied before 6 p.m. she could send it over to him and get us approved. She had an open house the next day, so getting this done early would be a win for everyone. When we said goodbye, she hugged us and gave a little kiss on the cheek.

We ditched the coffeeshop for the bar, sitting outside on the same side of the table so we could look at each other’s laptops. Stress, stress, stress. Why are these application portals so unclear? A fly landed in Meera’s beer. Whatever. Done by 6.

Saturday arrives. I wake up refreshing my email again and again. Our realtor was responsive, but the landlord didn’t look at our application before the open house, so we were nervous that he would look at more apps. Thankfully, that afternoon she called us to tell us we got it. We received the lease that night, signed it, and wired our first month stuff (first time wiring money — I know this is a reality of NY apartment hunting, but why is it SO scary?). Everything was signed and approved and done on Monday.

I went by the next day to pick up the keys. I was so excited walking down my new street. I walked past a New York Liberty player on her way to practice, a building I toured when I first moved to Brooklyn, and a salsa studio. Each step closer to my new place felt like a blessing. Things are really only as important as you want them to be. This is a moment that’s fun to make bigger. And I can turn off all of my apartment siteemail notifications

What should have been a five-minute key grab ended up being an hour gabbing out front with my realtor and landlord, listening to them continually interrupt each other about exotic foods and Park Slope’s mafia history. I am in the right place. I walked right up to the park, 20 minutes away. Did I mention that my new spot is near that new Planet Fitness?

Although we’ll hire movers for the first time, we wanted to start moving some miscellaneous things this past weekend. We rented a Zipcar, excited to get some stuff done. I remembered that things are heavy and stairs suck. Also, everything takes so long. We also picked such random things. It was all taking so long, so we extended the Zipcar as soon as we arrived in Park Slope.

Romance is everywhere, though. We arrived to see a tiny tree in right front of our place and the cutest father-son duo are planting purple and yellow flowers around it. Turns out they are our next-door neighbors and invited us to the block’s WhatsApp group (approval pending). They said the tree hasn’t even been there for 48 hours, so our landlord must’ve planted it for when we moved in; our neighbors just wanted to beautify it because they are good community members. The tree will grow along with us!

We have so much to do, but this all feels really right. I kissed some frogs and found my Park Slope prince, hopefully. Like all of my best life transitions, I’m just so excited for this one to begin.

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