Table of Contents
Hi friends!
I come to you after another exhausting week. I hosted one of my best friends, gallivanted across the city, saw Chappell Roan, and found my new favorite place in New York: the Forest Hills Stadium bass trap.
I started this entry yesterday when I was angry.
I just woke up
We all know Golden Hour and her beauty, but she comes right after Desperate Hour. Before melting into vibrant hues, the sun makes a last-ditch effort for attention in its brightest, yellowest form. It’s like saying HEYYYY OVER HERE!! I AM THE SUN!!!! and making you squint for the last time that day.
I woke up from a nap yesterday during Desperate Hour. I only nap when I’m sick, didn’t get enough sleep the night before, or just got back from Jewish summer camp — which is to say that I don’t nap often.
I’d been getting my 8 hours but only after long days wandering with my friend Nat, who was visiting from Miami and staying with us. She departed in the morning, and Meera and I knew we would not be leaving the house, decompressing after a chaotic weekend. We finished rewatching Pop Star Academy: KATSEYE (had to get Nat hooked (and did) and ate bagels. Around 2:30, maybe, Meera declared she would try taking a nap.
I got into bed, as well, for a location change. We both read, talked, and scrolled through our phones for a while. Eventually, being bundled became so overwhelming and lovely that I thought Why not turn my screen off and shut my eyes? I don’t remember falling asleep, but I do know that I fell asleep before the better napper in this relationship.
I love that cozy twilight sleep, waking up slightly between dreams and not knowing what is and isn’t real. Maybe being slightly aware that you’re sleeping, wrapped in the ultimate coziness of a Sunday without plans.
Naps are grief
One of my favorite weird Rabbinical teachings: sleep is 1/60 of death. The way I grieve after napping makes this Jewpothesis feel more true.
Denial
I think it’s another false wakeup, but trying to figure out if my dream was real sealed my sleep door shut. My dream self was watching a WatchMojo-type video about Nicki Minaj being possessed by demons during some of her shows — sometimes allowing them to speak random, useless thoughts through her — and my awake self started taking over and questioning if that was true or not.
Once I realized I was waking up from a nap, I felt the Desperate Hour shine pierce through the blinds. Meera was already awake again and walking around. I couldn’t get up for at least another ten minutes, still held by tingles.
Unlike waking up in the morning with my default iPhone alarm like I do every day (because why traumatize yourself with other sounds? Now every time I hear “Applause” by Lady Gaga or “Bring me to Life” by Evanescence, I am in fight-or-flight.), post-nap wakeups are gradual and even mystical…
Anger
…until they’re not. Now I’m awake. Wait, what time is it? The answer doesn’t matter. Did I just waste my day? The answer always feels like yes.
There are all sorts of ways to indulge and unwind. Consuming, listening, watching, moving, very much not moving — but they’re done (at least somewhat) consciously. We have such little time on this planet and already spend so much of it sleeping.
Wasting my time!
Bargaining
Okay, I can’t let this ruin my day, even though there isn’t much day left to ruin. I can still turn it around, right? It’s too late to be motivated to make a real plan. I guess I’ll watch a movie or show? Scrolling on my phone! I do have to eat dinner at some point! Maybe I didn’t waste the day.
Depression
I wasted the day.
Oh, acceptance?
A MYTH! Time is lost.
We should all nap less
Obviously, my argument is for able-bodied 9-to-5ers that get enough sleep at night on a consistent schedule. My thesis does not apply to people with unconventional sleep schedules whether due to illness, devastating life events, or specific types of employment.
Nap timing doesn’t make it better. Napping in the morning? Doesn’t count because it’s like extended sleep. In the afternoon? Evil. At night? Now you’re really screwing with your sleep.
Neither does length. Napping for 30 minutes to multiple hours all feels disorienting and anger-inducing. Meera believes in the power of the energizing 17-minute nap, but why nap that short at all?
The world outside is scary, and we are getting progressively lamer. I fight against this by being awake and even woke. I will not be lulled by the various opiates of the masses.
I’m not saying to never nap or never rest (also evil!). Constant self-optimization is also bad, but our routines don’t need this constant intrusion. We should not take our sleep for granted by tapping into it whenever.
We have so much life to live, so much to give and take. I think I would rather even scroll through my phone than lose consciousness time.
Even with the most boring things I do — or in the times I feel craziest — I would still rather feel most of the everyday negative emotions than sleep them away. Goodnight!
This week’s photo is from one of many bathroom mirror selfie sessions I took over a 6-hour stint at Ray’s bar near McCarren that started in the 3 p.m. hour. This bar has everything I should hate and yet it’s perfect. I like the sticker for the Brat Ratz Motorcycle Club because it’s a “MACHISMO FREE SPACE!”
Current fixations I want to mention
Food & Drink
I rarely do sit-down brunch, let alone ones that have seating available without reservations at peak weekend times. Now, I have Good Thanks to turn to on that especially gorgeous stretch of Graham Ave. We tried out Baby Blues Luncheonette, a breakfast spot sort of in my neighborhood, which ended up having a 2.5 hour wait for four. What? We tried Good Thanks and got seated immediately. This is one of those Australian brunch spots, but I guess I don’t know what Australian food is because I was surprised to find kimchi and labne in multiple dishes. I started the meal with a delectable black sesame latte with a foamy top. For my meal, I went with the chickpea curry scramble, divvied into four quadrants that mix and match seamlessly: “spicy” (not to me) chickpea curry, soft scrambled eggs, a whole avocado, and oily, crunchy bread. Oh, and their house hot sauce slaps. This was a perfect meal: so many great flavors with the proper portion size that you can clear easily and feel full after.
Music
Cardi B’s album Invasion of Privacy was essential listening during college, and I loved it so much. She straddles between kickass and contemplative, upbeat and downtempo. Plus, there are so many fun features. I was a bit nervous for AM I THE DRAMA? since it came out so long after her last project. Although it doesn’t hit the high highs of Invasion of Privacy, this album is such a fun listen for all of the same reasons. “Hello” and “Bodega Baddie” are standout baddie bops. I especially love a lot of the songs with features, like songs with Kehlani and Tyla. I was surprised to hear my favorite feature actually be from Selena Gomez and disturbed to hear my least favorite feature (covering the chorus of I said Hey! What’s going on?) from Lizzo of all people. I enjoyed most of the album’s 23 songs and ended up adding half of them to my playlist. I just find Cardi so likeable, and I’m happy to watch her excel even if she’s getting in deeply unnecessary Twitter beef. She also came out with a deluxe edition I haven’t listened to, but I got to get through new Olivia Dean, Doja Cat, Rochelle Jordan albums first.
Internet & Pop Culture
TikTok loves feeding me certain creators even if I don’t follow them, and I’ve naturally received every video of this girl rapping every day of unemployment. She is starting from a deeply beginner place, but I really feel she gets better almost every day. She is both vulnerable and clearly lying in all of her rhymes, making up little stories to let the imagery distract from her developing cadence. I hope she gets a job soon but am happy she’s using this time wisely. Here’s her first freestyle, and here is day 20.
Television & Maybe Movies
KPop Demon Hunters is the biggest kids movie right now, so large that its cultural significance propelled Meera and I to watch it just to see what the hype was all about. A superhero trio is disguised as a KPop girls group whose music purifies the world of demon energy. The demons create a fake boy band to fight back. All of this is complicated by one of the girls secretly being part demon. Maybe I need to watch this movie sober, but I thought it was fantastic. It’s filled with catchy, fun songs. I couldn’t really figure out what the movie’s message was: be yourself? Be honest with your friends? Fight against self doubt? Doesn’t matter — it’s a fun watch, and I understand why I’ve seen bars host singalong parties.
Journalism & Literature
I want everyone to listen to the “Replaceable You” episode of 99% Invisible not because of the topic but because of the interview subject. Mary Roach wrote a book about how people design new body parts. The one-on-one has interesting info about all sorts of innovations, but what makes this a must-listen is because of how cool Mary is. She is a funny, candid, and — above all — wildly charming lady. She is in her 60s and is exactly the kind of woman I want to be at her age: super smart but unpretentious. Roman (podcast host) is clearly delighted by everything she says. She is just so charismatic in the stories she tells, someone who organically fell in love with health science. She’s written about trying to sleep in an iron lung as well as having sex during an ultrasound.
Something I Saw in the Wild
We were walking underneath the desolate Brooklyn–Queens Expressway when I saw a crew of four people in biker gear walking towards us. I turned to the group and said, there is a massive mohawk coming towards us so don’t be weird. This woman had an impressive blonde mohawk that nearly stopped me in my tracks. Anaïs, the goth of the group, was unphased and said she sees people like that. Whatever. She was more floored by what we saw 30 seconds later: a little boy with fluffy hair bouncing on a pogo stick. When was the last time you saw one of those?